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“This is the North,” he said, staring at the road and driving the minivan.
We were back from a hockey match. Lulea played against Skelleftea. Mike was my mentor. I saw his integration project and we clicked on the phone. He gave me a positive answer in 24 hours. A man of the North, he never talked but always did. His answers were brief nods or quick breaths, as he sucked air in approval. Mike was tough but generous. He just puts time into you. My eyes were heavy. The copilot was supposed to keep the pilot awake. I was a bad copilot as he poked me gently.
“Look at the sky,” he whispered.
I rubbed my eyes. The northern lights were shimmering dust and a green dragon was whirling on a black cloth. After a few months, I was used to it. The night and the lights.
“I have realized what the North is,” I said.
He turned his head to look at me.
“People told me that if I made it here, I would make it anywhere.”
I paused.
“I thought people talked about the weather. I thought they talked about outside. But I was wrong.”
“Here in the North, it is what we do.”
Mike never talked for small talk.
“We face the dark.”
“We are all alone. And we end up talking to ourselves.”
“One day, the voice gets louder. And we talk louder.”
“We talk to ourselves, loud and alone. And we wonder: am I getting crazy?” he pointed at his head with his index.
“But we realize that we are not crazy.”
He then regained focus on the road, absorbed by the traffic.
“When you hear your voice, and you speak your voice…all alone and you don’t crack…When you don’t become crazy, you simply made it.”
“Once you face the darkness, you can do anything.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “And everything will be nothing to you.”
“I know why I ended up here,” I concluded.
“The North took you,” he said.
“The North only takes the brave.”
***
People said that I left to flee.
But the truth is, I left to heal.
I could not change the past.
But I could change myself.
I could heal.
By chasing my dreams.
All these things I could not do at home,
I thought I could do it in another country.
A change of scenery,
A breath of air,
And a bit of audacity,
They called it bravery,
Because I quit my job,
Because I sold my belongings,
Because I left my loved ones.
But I called it duty.
To suffer or not to suffer,
There is no question.
For there is no choice.
To pass on suffering,
It is out of the way.
But to protect and free from suffering,
That mattered to me.
And that started with me.
For to help others,
I had to help myself.
And now that I had time on my hands,
I did not want to look at it.
My head was hitting the walls,
My body was drained,
Until I stopped.
I stopped working.
I stopped running.
I stopped duty.
And I went to the lakes,
When the sky was dark,
And the waters were black.
To let it come,
And let it go.
Panting,
Howling,
Breathing,
Far from the pack,
The wolf is stray,
But never lost,
Only wounded.
He falters,
Until he crashes
In the snow.
For simple reasons.
We don’t forget the past.
At best, we understand.
And because we understand,
We forgive
And we accept.
Pain is a stain.
It never goes away.
It never will.
But because it stays,
It lasts.
And when pain becomes strength,
Scars give no more bruises,
Clouds sleep among stars,
And flames burn without tears.
When lakes meet rivers,
Rivers free waterfalls,
They cry
To heal.
***
By the moon, they have been sitting, quiet and still. Until they rise. To break the dark. They pull the curtains and come on stage. With their invisible handkerchief, they wipe the clouds. Breathing out, they blow on stars. Until they heat. To make sparks. With flashes of green and red. Until they pour a flask of purple, tainting the black night with an ink of blue. Dancers in the dark, they move in the West. And as I turn my head, they step in the East. When I go backward, they head south. Children of the sun, they grab my hands and close my eyes. Until I feel. There is warmth in the North. As there is light in the dark. With thousands of colors. And a sky is on fire.
Project Destiny
by Sophie Hieu
afnil, $18.00
Author, coach and speaker, Sophie Hieu was a legal adviser in Paris before trading it all for the outdoors. In love with nature, trained by the Scandinavians and adopted by the Nepalese, Sophie spent three years immersed in the culture of “friluft” or the art of outdoor living.
Her own journey has rekindled her passion for writing and her vocation to guide others on their own paths. She wrote her story to encourage people to fulfill their own dreams and trust their unique voices.
Project Destiny is her first book.
She currently lives in Sweden with her partner and their very stubborn shepherd dog, and both can track her laugh in the forests and rivers of Scandinavia.
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